What not to do when first dating

If she's sitting there, firing off questions, legitimately trying to get to know you, and you don't respond in kind, it's a clear indicator that you're either a) not interested, or b) self-absorbed.

And it doesn't matter if you've been Facebook stalking her for the last six months and you already know that her favorite color is green and Muffins, her three-legged family dog, died two weeks ago, .

Being late signals you're not that arsed and actually value your own time more than someone else's. Ever been sat across the table from a date who keeps checking themselves out in their knife's reflection? Taking care of your appearance is one thing, but self-obsession is another so find the balance FFS. There's a number of dudes out there who will either try to mansplain your own career to you, or patronisingly offer advice for your life in general.

If you want to impress her, don't make her sit alone at a bar waiting for you.

This will also give you ample opportunity to situate yourself somewhere you feel comfortable. Men don't carry purses, and having to sit down with a hockey puck-sized phone in your pocket is uncomfortable.

Imagine how you'd feel if she started to regale you with stories about her Nobel laureate ex-boyfriend with the Super Bowl ring. You can save the disgruntled customer shtick for when you aren't trying to get laid.

Also imagine how you'd feel if she started ranting about her loser, cheating, unemployed ex-boyfriend who mooched off of her for three years. The jury's still out about whether you're expected to pay on the first date. Choosing to pay or not pay, assuming she's not a money-grubbing wench, shouldn't be a make-or-break when it comes to dating a guy. And don't put it past her to ask the waiter if you tipped well when she sneaks away to the bathroom either—this has more to do with a show of character than the actual money involved.

On the other hand, resist the urge to order a heaping platter of barbecued giant dinosaur ribs that you need to eat with your hands and feet.