It's something I call "cocooning": These parents wanted to create a little, happy home for their kids, the progeny of the interracial relationship.
This silence had a huge impact on the way mixed-race children felt growing up.
They want to become more white because they saw it as much more appealing racial group to identify with.
But then something happens between their university years: They start looking for somebody from their more racialized side, meaning if they're Asian white, they try to find an Asian partner, or if they're black and white, they choose a black partner. Then around 29, something else happens: They recognize that choosing a partner is about so much more than basing it on their racial category.
For people who are not racialized on a day-to-day basis – people who are white – they see how the person of colour experiences race every single day. Having that window is really interesting and it's key for the white person.