I get so many emails asking me about whether to date someone who is separated, recently divorced, or even fresh out of a breakup that I wanted to tackle this tricky subject.
Same goes for someone who’s not over their divorce and has beliefs that affect their ability to be committed.
I personally know people who have gotten together while one party was separated, and in one case the wife refused to sign so they had to wait for it to lapse and got married as soon as it did a few years later, and in the other instances where it worked out, there was no faffing about with the divorce, Future Faking etc.
Even when the divorce is amicable, as mine was over a decade ago, the massive weight of the realization that the world you had built with your soon-to-be-ex and the end of your journey with a person who at some point was the closest person in the world to you is downright smothering. Are we supposed to see each other a certain number of times a week? Or do you tell them that the marriage is over, no chance of being mended and that the paperwork is simply a formality? I recall going through that period, knowing full well that the marriage was over and that, indeed, the paperwork was just the final punctuation.
It's an awful, soul-crushing rollercoaster and every time someone sarcastically remarks how easy it is for people to get divorced or how so-and-so "just left their marriage," my head feels like it's about to explode. However when I would reveal to someone in whom I was potentially interested that I was separated, they invariably would shy away.
I'd need to know and feel comfortable with my potential partner's emotional state. I've been the "separated guy" trying to date and I've gone out with women in that marital midgard and sometimes it's ended well, sometimes it hasn't.