Among them: Lack of role models and invalidation - most people who self-injure were chronically invalidated in some way as children (many self-injurers report abuse, but almost all report chronic invalidation). When I told one of the volunteers, a mother who had been helping me there, she said, "Maybe it's not so bad..."I remembered later that she had also said this about my visa situation, "Maybe it's not so complicated." I felt so hurt by her lack of understanding that I had to bite my tongue not to say "Did you hear one word I said?!
I grew up with a single mom who read and shared self-help books.
The emotional processes which worked for him as a child may begin to work against him as an adult. of Duke University supports the idea that invalidation leads to mental health problems. I know these things, but sometimes I forget and get carried away by my emotions too.
In fact, one definition of the so-called "borderline personality disorder" is "the normal response of a sensitive person to an invalidating environment" (Psychiatrist R. Laing said that when we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. He writes "...a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses). So I give myself a time-out, I nurture my inner whiny child or nurse my wounds, allow myself to feel self-pity, then I remind myself how many blessings I have and try to do better.
In abusive homes, they may have been severely punished for expressing certain thoughts and feelings. So I guess I will continue thinking and looking serious when I think about things that are important to me.