Some widowers get married very quickly after their loss. Then there are those who wait, and wait, and wait some more, unable to commit. Realistically, it takes special effort by both parties to develop a bond after a spouse has died. She must get some answers and then make an intelligent decision to wait or leave.
Some men get used to being alone, even though they say they don’t want to be by themselves. It’s not like buying a car and knowing you can trade it in a year or 2 later if it isn’t what you want; this one is for life.
A widower can be still married in his mind, often feeling guilty, as if he is cheating on his beloved, deceased wife. Widowers can have wonderful qualities, if you are able to wait it out.
As the new woman, you want a man who will see you for yourself, as an equal partner, not as a “mistress” he feels guilty about. It takes some time for a widower to deal with the loss of his wife and be able to accept another. But if you are expecting something to develop faster, and if you have expectations of coupling with gusto, your plans may end up in sadness. A woman must carefully evaluate the qualities of a widower and then talk to him openly about her needs.
Many have been married for several years—in some cases, more than forty years.